MALCOM
Yeah, you find something you like you just gotta do it again. But yeah, so it was very boring. There's not a lot to do. The only thing my town was known for is being mispronounced as Tolland. It's Tolland, folks. T-O-L-L-A-N-D, it's Tolland. We can tell you that. The only Reason why people would stop by our town is because right on like the highway we had the strip club the electric blue That's about it. We had really great running team Of course, so like our cross-country women's team was like freaking top-notch because we grew up in a very hilly area so we trained on like some really tough hills so we created some really strong runners and then put all of that money though that like we got for sports stuff into our shitty football team of course like like every like every hometown right everyone's got the shitty football team that got all the money while all the other sports were like, nah.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yes, very Yellow Jackets type situation, but without the eating people. I hope at least. Yeah, no, that's cool though, I feel that. So what, I guess, drew you to Florida for undergrad? Was it Florida? Was it the school? What was, you know, give me kind of the feel of that.

MALCOM
Yeah, you know, sometimes I wonder how I end up in Florida too. So, I mean, I am in a unique situation where I went to two high schools at the same time. I did a half-day program in an arts magnet school. So that one opened me up to being able to have an environment that allowed me to, one, pursue higher education based more on like passion alone, and then also be in an environment that was a lot more not just accepting but like educating on like the LGBT because growing up I did not really heteronormativity was just so drained into me growing up I didn't know there were other options. I didn't realize, like I heard of gay men, but then it wasn't until like years later that like gay women were an option. And then you have bisexuality that was like coming out, like as I was growing up, basically, it was like step and step, step. And then, you know, I get to the high school and then you know I'm meeting friends and they're telling me their pronouns I'm like listen I suck at English but okay so Coming to Florida was a little bit of just one, I wanted to get the fuck out Connecticut because it was so boring. And it is very expensive to be there. And I just I wanted to run away from my small town as far as I could get. I chose Florida just ended up of all the schools that I got to tour and everything. Rollins, where we got to meet, just seemed like the best option for what I wanted. I was a theater kid, so for those reading this transcript, I am cringing at myself too. I'm sorry. But I liked it because they were saying, we're a BA program and we want anyone, no matter their concentration, to learn about the other concentrations, which is what I loved because I like to, I don't like to play life on the easy mode. I have to, I didn't wanna settle for just like a BFA program where if you say you want to do acting, you're like just all the eat, sleep and breathe is acting. Like I wanted to also direct. And then when I got here, I also decided like, oh wow, I actually like scenic design too, this is cool. And I was playing around with three concentrations so then that threw it away. But that's an interview for another time.

COOPER JOSLIN
So what was your thing going into school? Were you an actor? Were you a behind the scenes person?

MALCOM
I came as just a general theater major with like, I was like pretty firm about like doing a dual concentration for performance and directing. And then it was like, as I was like getting in sophomore year, I was like, could we maybe just like squeeze in and do a little scenic directing because while I'm not in a show, if I did cast, I would just keep working and I'd start building the sets. And that was a lot of fun because, you know, it helped me build up the homosexual audacity to just build my own shit. And then I like, you know, took one of the classes that's like mandatory. It was a lot of like design based. So like I started like liking the idea of designing the sets. So it's kind of like, can I do all three? And they're like, you're crazy. I'm like, yeah, and you guys aren't fun. And then you guys are asking for way too much money to be doing this online course thing. Like online courses, not fun. Online theater courses? To like theater majors who went through it and stuck with it through COVID, like I applaud all of you guys. You guys are amazing. And also like you guys need a little like kiss on the head because that was you could not you I don't believe you're doing well right now I say it with all love like you need a little kiss on the head.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yeah, yeah. I could imagine. I at the time the pandemic like when it hit I was in grad school for broadcast journalism, which, you know, I went from every Tuesday doing a like live in-person newscast with my classmates to, okay, what can I film in my apartment? And I am shocked everyone in my cohort graduated because like, why don't we stay? But yeah, no, that was fun. So, Okay, I'm gonna give you like what I remember from that time period when we were both like in the central Florida area. Yeah. So I remember, I think like you said we had met at like a Freds or like some theater event, right? Because my wife is a theater major. And I was like, wow, that person is like, because I was coming off of the last freshman class, it was like, you know, some of the first, like non-binary people I'd ever met. And I was like, wow, these people are fucking awesome. I don't know how to interact with any of them. So I just like, but yeah, how, I guess like at what point in your life did you start to put together like the gender stuff, like on your, for yourself?

MALCOM
Yeah, So definitely it was like closer to high school, high school era. So I started that half day program and my little gay art cult school basically. And there I, all my afternoons were spent doing theater. I was literally, like you've seen the TV show Victorious, just like that, but lower budget and everyone's in sweatpants and barefoot and screaming at lockers. Yeah, That was normal. During the transition between their morning academic classes, if I got there in time, I'd see them coming out of lunch. And there would be people literally with their sweatpants down, and they're just wearing their spandex, doing races like that. And they're like, yeah, That's just common. It's like, cool. Go Brandon, you got this.

COOPER JOSLIN
Love it.

MALCOM
Trip him. Like, yeah. So having, like I said, that was a really fortunate environment for me, because not only is like everyone there freaking gay, but like that, it was definitely a safer place. Like, you know, that's, it was just like such a safe environment that let you definitely start asking questions. Even if, you know, you want to ask other people about their experiences, but just it really gave you the time to say, well, what is it about myself? So I think it was like, yeah, sophomore year, I started like, I was always butch. Definitely, like definitely a tomboy. You know, a lot of my childhood was growing up, hanging out, being one with the guys. I liked, I always wanted the boy toys from McDonald's cause I'd never liked dolls. I got dragged to a American girl doll party as a kid and my mom was carrying the doll and I was carrying around the horse. Can you tell that I will become a future Ken? Yeah. I was there for the horse. But so yeah, I like always grew up, like if I wore a skirt, I had, if it was long enough, I would have freaking jeans underneath or shorts. That was always the case for me if I got dragged into that. So when coming high school, I was like, I really like to just continue being in more of that masculine role. And like, I started like, I will wear boxers. This is what I decided, like boxer briefs because they are way more comfortable than like the thongs and everything that I'll said you were, you know kind of transitioning to at that age sometimes. And I'm just like, and that was its own thing. And then junior year, I started getting cast in shows, but I was getting cast in male roles. And so, you know, I'm going in for the costume fittings and everything and I'm getting put in these nice suits and like I finally was able to cut my hair at least to like a mid length that was like a compromise length and I was like okay I like it I'm like wow I Half the time I felt like I looked like lesbian Jesus, you know, Hayley Kiyoko, Stan her, amazing. That actually was a problem for one of the shows is the costume. Gail, she was just like, you're looking too much like a lesbian right now. We need to get you man. I'll keep looking for stuff.

MALCOM
And then by like, I'd love the shirts. And I, you know, I like some of the shirts that I still have is actually from a show I was in where like in all four years, I have four shows that I did there, not four years, but in the four shows there that I did, I was always a guy and I really liked it. And that like kind of, I was like, okay. And then I have, you know, You Befriend Your Techies, because techies are like the most wonderful people in the world. And they were going through their own transitions and explaining that they're non-binary. I'm like, oh, is that a, is that, that's the thing I can do. Cause like, I'm liking how I'm dressing and I kind of like it. It's kind of funny when you can't tell if I'm a guy or a girl sometimes and and you know and then I was like so like you know junior year more towards senior year is what I kind of got more comfortable with that and it was like right in like the final semester of high school that I started trying out Mac. Not like fully and I his thing is I never not even for my sexuality I never had like a big coming-out thing. I like told friends here and there and like just kind of like let it become common knowledge. I never had like a big post or anything or like anything like that, because everyone's allowed to do it in their own way. And my way was just like, you know what? I'm telling the people that matters to, the rest can just go figure it out.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yeah, I like that approach. In my head that's like planting seeds, you know? Yeah. And eventually they will become wonderful non-binary trees. So yeah. Exactly,

MALCOM
yeah, for sure. So yeah, then I get to go to college and that's when they're like, I went to a college that asks for your preferred name. So I was like, oh, Well, let me just type in this MAC. And so like that started happening. And then thankfully, one of my peer mentors was also a transmasc person. So like, he just adopted me. I was just like, you are my dad now.

COOPER JOSLIN
I think- Is that Alex?

MALCOM
Yes.

COOPER JOSLIN
Oh, wonderful.

MALCOM
Yeah. I was like, I'm pretty sure you know my dad. Yeah. Alexander, I think he's, I hope he's doing well. At last I see on social media, he's doing well. Yeah, so, and it was just like a nice, safer environment. It was really great because I grew up in a small town where like everyone knew my business, everyone we all knew each other. So when I got to college I kind of forgot like no one knew that like I'm adopted, I have white parents and a white brother, and then you know that no one has met me besides Mac. And because I just I would like all freshman orientation all like freaking two weeks of whatever it was I was just like hey you know you introduced yourself so everyone I'm like yeah hi I'm Mac like mac and cheese. Just that got repeated so much I'm like okay like and like people like take it because it's not coming out. It's just like, it's an introduction, which was so freeing. And then of course, as you know, the year goes on people are like trying to make jokes, trying to figure out the elongation of Mac. And we've gotten some, I've gotten some really good ones. You know, MacArthur. My friends at the cottage would call me Macintosh. That's like one of my favorite ones. But Malcolm was, I think, actually what Alex actually did call me when I was being kind of a shit and he'll be like, Malcolm. And I'm like, yes, you know, like the child scolded that I was. And I love that. And so that's kind of how Malcolm came to be.

COOPER JOSLIN
That's so awesome. I had a similar story with the name there. I adopted Cooper from Dr. Cooperman

MALCOM
She's so great. Oh my god, I love her.

COOPER JOSLIN
So I told you like my senior year was like really difficult and I was in two of her classes My final semester and she was like a guiding light So I was like when I was you know I changed my name and originally Cooper was just my middle name because I was like, you know I still want to honor her in some way. And then I was like, no, this is my first name now. So, yeah.

MALCOM
She is such a great lady. She, she, she doesn't even work here anymore.

COOPER JOSLIN
I know.

MALCOM
I'm like, good for you for escaping.

COOPER JOSLIN
Honestly.

MALCOM
And also I just love that she's like, yeah, no, I have this whole other degree. I'm just going to use that. And I'm just like, wow, what a woman.

COOPER JOSLIN
Honestly, yeah. So impressed by her all the time. But so, Okay, let's see. I love hearing the name origin. That's so cool. I guess, what other elements of transition have you, you know, do you want to do or have you experienced with? That can be social, medical, whatever. Like, it's a very open question. So.

MALCOM
Oh, I mean, yeah, no, no, that's fair. Let's start, because like, I've definitely, I have been medically transitioning, but I think, you know, before that it was mostly social. And I think for that to start with, you know, we got, we got look at the pronoun game. So nowadays I use like he, him, they. Grew up, she, her, oof, cringy times. And I think like, by the time I got to college, I was more comfortable being a solely like, they-them situation, you know? I just, I knew like, she-her just was not hitting. And like, being so far away from my hometown, being away from all that life, it was the chance to finally just kind of get good blank start that like, let me start discovering it. And as you know, I'm making friends and everything. And there was a joke that like, I, I mean, it's still a joke. It's like, I am community boyfriend when it comes to my friends. I'm like, my, one of my personal missions is just, I guess, treat my friends in a way that their significant others should treat them. So whenever they date, they have standards. Because most of my friends are girls and a lot of them are like cis women. And cis women, I feel like, need to raise their bar in general. We could go off on that for so many reasons, but anyways, I'm like, listen, people ask me how I identify. I'm like, I'm not gonna go into the LGBTQIA of me. I'm gonna tell you that I am a feminist, a himbo and a gentleman in that order. So yeah, but that's when, you know, we were making all these community boyfriend jokes. I'm like, yeah, I am the boyfriend. Like I liked having that masculine title. I love that there are all these, you know, gender neutral terms coming for people, but those aren't terms that I resonated with. So I'm like, I do resonate with the masculine terms. So that's when, you know, we started throwing in that saucy little he, and then it goes from the he to the he they to like, it's pretty much he him, but also gender is a social construct, so it'd be they me we chill.

COOPER JOSLIN
I love that. That is so cool. That's something else that's really interesting about doing these interviews is just hearing how people have like arrived at their current pronouns. Like some people I've talked to are like, you know, I had someone the other day who was like, my pronouns are they, them, but I'm just starting to try out he, him. So like, it's really cool to see like at that stage of where they are with their gender, like it's beautiful. So I love that.

MALCOM
No, I love it. It's funny because when you're like one of the early ones to come out there or start your journey in a friend group and then every other person starts questioning you, you're the ones that come out and they come to and it's just and they you know it at least in my experience it's like even when it's something that's right it's always gonna feel weird It's always gonna feel a little off to be, like, especially if you're trying a name or new name too, it's like, it's gonna, even if it's the right name, it's gonna feel weird. And you gotta kind of stick with it to see if it does stick, because the right name will feel weird because you're just so used to the wrong one. Like, I think like, just like, it's that mental health thing of when you're like, just got that, when you got that neurodivergency and you're not used to like, being stable because you're used to the mess, you're used to the chaos or something. It's a hard feeling to accept.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yeah, that's so true. I was on a kickball league here and I went to, like the day I changed my name, later that night I had a recruitment event. And I went and I was introducing myself to people and I was like, hi, my name is Cooper. Everyone was so confused because these were just people I hadn't met before. And they were like, what is happening with you? So yeah, that was fun. Yeah, that's awesome. So do you want to talk a little bit about Florida? Because you have mentioned you intend to stay in Florida for a bit, which is awesome.

MALCOM
It would be great. Yeah. Yeah, no. I mean, so like I said, I'm from New England. Connecticut, small town, boring as hell. Get away from it, not worth it. If you're ever going to visit New England, you can skip over Connecticut, everyone else does. We are the highway between New York City and Boston. I don't miss Connecticut but I do, part of me does really miss New England, I miss New York, I do miss the snow at this point in my life.

‍
I miss having full seasons but that being said It's a few different things about my life. Like I said, I dropped out of college. So like, which not a decision I will regret really. I know that it's just not the time and place. Could I go back to it maybe? Like, yes, I could definitely go back to it, but is it right for me? Not at this time. I know it's there. And if it does feel right, I'll go back. But that being said, you know, trying to sustain myself, paying rent and everything, it's hard financially. And like I said, I've been medically transitioning, so it's been... I mean that's just been a pain, too. I have decided, like, you know, I spent... Since I dropped out I've been here for like three years fully since dropping out. And it's been a lot of hard work to just feel settled to not only just feel like I have my feet on the ground in the sense that I finally have like a stable job but I have a stable support group of social life and like just I found the bars that I like. I have the club that I like to go to. Like I have all my little spots. I have my favorite like taco place. I have my like, if I'm having existential crisis this is where I go to scream and cry. These are the swans that I have a huge like beef with. This is like, I have made this place my home. It took me all these, all this time, all this effort, all this, you know, confusion and everything to make it my home. It is not fair that legislation will take that away from me. And obviously, Florida has been its own thing, but it's Orlando. Since I came here and I was in the college's bubble of security and everything, where people respect your pronouns. And like I said, Orlando, we're pretty good too. Like, it's relatively safe for all things being, especially being in Florida, where, you know, where it's train safety is like, we're black. That is how bad and dangerous it really is I'm not saying there there is a million reasons to leave the state But I decided for myself that I want to leave on my own terms. And I've had people be concerned. I've had friends be like, I am genuinely worried for your safety. I am so concerned. And I've had conversations with my friends where we're like, if I do need to leave on the fly for some reason, because it gets that bad, like how am I gonna do it? My roommate, I love him. He's like, I'm like, I was like, Brody, if I have to leave like middle of the night because it's just not that safe and I got to drive up and go visit some friends on the North, will you meet me wherever I end up and fly my cats up to me? Because I have two beautiful baby, head empty, fuzzy babies that I love and that I don't want to be apart from. And he's like, yeah, I got you. Like, you know, and this is why I am like, I don't want to have to leave this until I'm ready to.

And the thing is, it's a few things. You know, Orlando is not gonna just like step aside and let all this legislation happen. I had the doctor that I worked with for part of my medical transition really stepped up and was like, listen, we're gonna move this up because I don't know what's going on but we're just gonna slide you in and we're gonna get this in before any problems come up. And then we have we have, and you know, red-ass Florida, we have the all-queer longest-running lesbian burlesque troop who, you know, shout out to them. I freaking, these women have my heart, my money, anything they want from me, give them. The amount of like, all I want is to be like their les bro. Like, let me be your like supportive dude bro to help you guys. But yes, the Les Vixens, they're still out here being loud, being queer, making safe spaces, and there's all that energy that's going on. It's like, I'm not gonna be the only queer person here. I'm not gonna be the only trans person here. And yes, people who have been fleeing, and that's so valid. That is a choice that at the end of the day, only you can make for yourself. But I think that I have enough of a support system where I can stay in relative safety as far as everything going on right now. I have all the tools lined up that make me feel like I can still be on the transition path that I am comfortable enough with. I have enough resources so I can keep making a safe place for the people who can't. Because you know who can't necessarily move maybe right now is all the trans youth right now. I mean there's been horrible discussions and legislation up in the air about everything I mean for trans youth. If all the you know queer trans adults just up and left Florida there's still gonna be trans people here. There's still gonna be queer people here. Because queer people exist and have existed everywhere since the start of humanity really. Whether we wanted to acknowledge that or not. So it's just in the sense that I'm gonna live my life on, continue to live on my terms, and continue to make sure that wherever I go I am doing my best to just keep making a safe space for others.

COOPER JOSLIN
Like I yeah I like I recognize that you just told me why you're doing this, but I do want you to know that is such an important and valiant thing to be doing. Like No one has articulated it to me in that way before. You know, everything you just said is so true, but that's not, I feel like that's not the narrative that we're getting from a lot of places, you know, but it's so true and it's so important, like everything you just said. So thank you for doing that. And I know you're not doing it for reasons that you need to be thanked for, but also you're doing something so cool. So thank you.

MALCOM
Oh, God, good for you. You make me feel like such a cool guy, man.

COOPER JOSLIN
You are, you're awesome. No, I just, yeah, 10-10. So I guess kind of along the lines of that last question, what do you see as the future for trans people? That is traditionally my last question in these interviews, but I feel like this is the right time to ask it.

MALCOM
Yeah, I'm trying to figure out how I really want to come out this question, because I feel like there's two ways I can definitely answer this question. You know, one is with like hopes and optimism, and you know, the other part is a little bit more cynical because I don't have a huge faith in humanity in general because because apparently being a trans man in Florida you know you get a little less confident in society. But honestly, I don't think I would be lying to say that I think the future lies somewhere in the middle. That's usually how it is. Optimistically, I wanna say like, there's gonna be a time and maybe there will be if we can not kill our planet and each other, where it really does not matter, where, you know, you just introduce yourself by name and pronouns and if it changes the next week it changes the next week as you figure out yourself it's not that big of a deal. And then I guess taking in the more of the the reality of like what I'm living through right now and saying you know I think that it's definitely, it's getting a lot of pushback. And I feel like it's because a lot of people, like I said, I grew up with heteronormativity just so drilled in that I didn't think it was heteronormativity. And I think that a lot of the culture in society that is struggling with people who break that heteronormativity, who break the norm, is just because it's making them question and think about things that might just overwhelm them.

MALCOM
You know, they're not scared of it. Oh, without having to go into the feministic rant too, I think that like it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna get worse before it gets better, especially in Florida because with all these laws happening, even if they get turned around, even if they get rejected, a lot of the social climate of it is going to take a lot longer to turn around. But I still do believe that it can get better, that it will because it has gotten better. We've taken a lot of steps. Is there so much more of a hill for the queer community to climb up? Yes, there is a Mount Everest still in front of us, but we have climbed so many peaks already. And I think that, I mean, I'm not the sporty type. I don't know the exact right metaphors or anything for it, but you know, oh, I know this much from talking and doing so much with therapy is that growth is never linear. It's never going to be progressive healing. You're going to heal, you're going to make a good breakthrough, and then you're going to text direct during Mercury Retrograde and have to rework that all over again. And that's what society is doing. They're making their progress and then they kind of get hit with like, oh, here is that thing that you repressed and now we have to address it and that scares them. And they'd rather not tackle that problem. But I think that the fact that we do have people, not just, from all scales, not just like the people in legislation who are fighting for us, but smaller to the vixens creating safe spaces for people to go to the club to start a social life and still feel like a regular human being, to just, you know, to a guy in DC who I like met their wife and like giving me advice for my own transition. Like it's all the small stuff that I think is really creating the biggest impact. And I think also just representation in the media and everything. Having all these actors coming out along the different spectrums of trans and gender nonconforming is really making a huge deal that I think, yeah, it's gonna get better. It's gonna get to a place where it won't really matter. But the thing is, it's like, it's not gonna happen overnight. I don't know if I will see that day happen at all, but I do wanna have faith in it that it will happen. I mean, it's still tough to come out as just gay in some places, but the work is being done and just can't give up on the fight just because it's taking a long time.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yeah, I feel like with Orlando in particular, what I always think of is we've got the power of God and Anna Eskamani on our side. We do love her. We do. Oh my God. And for context for people listening later on, Anna Eskamani is a wonderful local politician in Florida who does truly the Lord's work. Love her so much. But yeah, so I was curious about how, if at all, how that the legislation that's being passed has impacted you personally. Have you had any issues with that so far? Or is it still like coming down the pike? What's been like?

MALCOM
I want to like acknowledge like a great amount of like privilege that on my part that I have not been woefully affected by it because one, I am, like I said, I'm 23, so I'm not a minor. I can make my own decisions. I'm not in a public school, which, oh my gosh, I thought being in public school was already bad enough, but like, now, oof. And in Florida, oof. My best friend's actually a middle school teacher, so I get to hear about it all. And that is really, that's one of the more heartbreaking things, I guess. For me, The things that I, so I've been on testosterone for just about a year now. Congrats. Thank you, yeah. So finally after my months of those very, very sexy voice cracks and everything, my voice finally dropped and I've been experiencing passing privilege. So really the only things that became such a worry for me was at least socially was the bathroom legislation. That it's illegal. I'm like, that gave me a lot of anxiety and still does. I have to like figure out, it became a question of like, okay, which clubs have gender neutral bathrooms? Which, I'm like, do I go pee in public? The answer is no, not really. Cause like, yes, I can go into the men's room and I have less of a chance of being caught for X, Y, and Z reasons, but it's still that fear. And that is, you know, yo, I'm just trying to go pee. I'm just trying to go piss. You can't have your go piss girls go piss anymore. And you know, in all the arguments, as like many people could tell you, all the arguments for that legislation is utter bullshit. It is not known. You really don't fear the trans person. You fear cis men, which is a can of worms. We don't need to open right now but the trans people are not the problem here. The only other thing it way it affected me was that a lot of Places where you would get your testosterone from was run by nurse practitioners Yeah It's weird. It's like back and forth It's it is so up in the air like no one not even like the medical field really understands what they're allowed to do now because like, oh it passed but then a judge ruled it down but now is it gonna go up? Is it going to be? No one knows right now for that. So I used a nurse practitioner to get my testosterone so I just assumed I wasn't gonna be on it, but thankfully, I have a new GP who, he is, as I described it to friends, he is like, that cis frat boy who is an ally, but doesn't really fully understand it.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yes.

MALCOM
Like, when he was like, what do you mean you can't get your testosterone anymore? I'm like, yeah, well, they're all nurse practitioners so they stopped doing gender affirming care. And they're like, they had like one doctor, but that doctor was gonna get overwhelmed and plus that doctor is at three times the liability. And he's like, well, you're a guy, so you're a guy who just needs testosterone. So I can write you that, I'm a doctor. If I get sued, the hospital gets sued, not me. I'm like, okay, buddy. I'm like, I don't think you realize the weight of what you're doing, but we love the energy. So I get to stay, cause like, even if I got told, like I wasn't gonna be able to continue for X amount of time that didn't worry me too much it's the fact that like what people don't realize is you know you gotta get your blood work checked when you're on testosterone especially at least you know female to male because you you increase your blood levels you you're at higher risk for stroke and everything so that's why you gotta get your blood work done every three months as I'm sure you're aware of. And I was just like panicking it's like the last time I got my blood work done they're like you're not quite at the worry spot, but you're close to it. So, you know, in three months, assuming we can do your appointment, we'll check that. And if you do get into that worry area, it's not a big deal. You just need to, we'll just write you a note to go to like the blood bank, they take out the pint, and then you'll be like fine. And I'm like, okay, cool. But then, you know, all this legislation happened, and then I was like, here I am with my testosterone, I'm like, I don't know if I should, do I do this injection? Because I am scared that I'm like, especially because like this was happening right as I was getting a surgery too. I'm like, I'm already like high risk for blood clots for that, do I do an injection? Do I increase my risk? And then, you know, a month later I sliced open my hand and I lost a lot of blood So I was like, you know what? I feel safe doing an injection now. I think I lost a pint.

COOPER JOSLIN
You know, it's funny because right after I graduated I was probably like 23 I also sliced my hand open. I have the surgery scar here actually because I Tried to open a can of black beans like I was fingering it Like

MALCOM
It's okay, eight stitches cuz I didn't decide to microwave my frozen bagel. I just took a giant bread slicer knife and just sawed at it aggressively while cursing at my roommate who told me he was going to pick up the cheese but didn't pick up the cheese yesterday. So I ran out to grab the cheese and I just wanted a freaking breakfast sandwich which I didn't get to eat cause I was at the hospital for the next four hours.

COOPER JOSLIN
Same, but with chili. Yeah, that sucks. Was it a Trader Joe's bagel by chance?

MALCOM
No, it was an Udi's frozen gluten-free bagel.

COOPER JOSLIN
Okay, I'm gonna send you the link to I got Kalli something called a bagel guillotine It was the graduation gift because we get the Trader Joe's bagels and they do not cut them. So yeah, I'll send you that link later. Yes, I got you. So to start winding it down I think my last like official question for you is what gives you hope?

MALCOM
I think that I'm going to answer that question and like diverge from it too a little bit too. Because like I think that you know as far as hope goes it's a lot more on like celebrities and everything. I am like absolutely in love with this actor, Ari Notartomaso . If you watched Rise of the Pink Ladies, they did it. They were amazing. Hands down my favorite character, their voice. If someone's singing could give you an orgasm, it's theirs. Literally, I was like at work on my lunch break and I was just scrolling through TikTok and they were just singing a Rene Rapp cover and I literally stopped after that. And I was just like, do I have to throw myself out the window now? Because I don't know how I'm supposed to just go back and be a normal person after that. But, you know, and it kind of just goes back to the whole, like why we need things like this and discuss representation and everything. But like, you know, it is, it's the hope, it's seeing other, you know, queer actors take up space and show their authentic self and still get to, you know, do their career, do their life and continue on. Because that's what I think every trans person wants, is to just be able to authentically be themselves and then continue on this terrible, tricky, but wonderful thing called life and not feel like they're playing it on a harder level just because they're trans. So I think that, yeah. And that's not to say that our lovely favorite artists that we're watching aren't having all these actual struggles and they aren't still doing but They still are going and that's what I think, you know, it's nice to see but like on a smaller scale just just And as far as like what's closer to me is, you know, obviously what helps me stay hopeful is that I do have such a loving support group. You know, I've really loved all the like family I basically created down here, the family that I've decided to stay down here with, who have loved me, accepted me for who I am, and have supported me on my journey through life, and not just on how I identify and present myself, but in the choices that I make as I figure out myself, as I try to grow as a person from things that are just completely not relevant to my transness because I am more than just a trans person. I am a person and there's so many things just a simple person needs to be supported of and I found that. That helps me day to day just feel comfortable in my own skin but what really gives me hope is probably you. One, Gen Z fucking terrifies me.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yes, 100%.

MALCOM
They fucking terrify me. And there's so many times where I'm just like, oh my gosh, you guys are so fucking stupid. But also they're so fucking smart at the same time. It's so true. I don't get it. Like they can dox anyone, anyone. And that terrifies me in a very, I'm impressed way. But then they also decide they can go into a freaking liquor store be underage. Be a little smarter than that, they--they lack common sense but they can really turn over the freaking world and make it better and burn it to the ground is starting new and that's what I love about them And they give me so much hope because they're a lot less scared than I was, at least it seems like, to be authentic about themselves, to really burst out of that bubble. And they're starting their journeys a lot younger than I did. And to see them have that kind of confidence and grow. Cause I think that, you know, at least what I struggle a lot with is just wanting to not be different and then realizing, okay, I am different and then having to accept all those differences and then learn how to be my authentic self. And they're just saying, fuck y'all, I am here. My name's Jacob. My pronouns are he, they, I don't know how to fucking read, but I will dox you. And I'm like, okay, damn.

COOPER JOSLIN
It's so true. Yeah, the younger generation both terrifies me and fills me with hope. So I'm Glad to know we're on the same page there.

MALCOM
Yeah, yeah, no, for sure.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yeah, so I wanted to give you this last bit here, this bit of space to say anything that you wanna say. Is there anything you really want to be recorded in your history? I know that's a big question too, so take a second to think about it.

MALCOM
Yeah, I was thinking about what really is important because, like I told you, what really drew me to wanting to share my story is the fact that I'm doing this for the little boy I never got to meet. Because I think that at least for us elder trans folks, we, one of the biggest struggles that we have, and it's not so much that we have regrets in life, but a really tough disconnect in between your childhood to your adulthood and having you like to re-have a childhood while in your adulthood, it's a weird, confusing, crazy place to be. So for the little boy, this is why I'm doing it. And I think that the things that I want, like tell him, show him and everything, is one that, to not worry so much about the labels. I think that's one of the biggest things because when I've been having to do a different coming out every now and then, it feels like, you know, in high school, I realized, okay, I like girls I feel comfortable with bi. And I was just coming out as that. And of course I had like a lot of panic, like, am I just a lesbian? I'm too afraid. Am I even gay at all? Am I this or that? And then I started worrying what the hell my gender was. And one of the great things about our society is that we have all these like little niche labels so you know you can say like I you know you don't have to just be trans man non-binary trans woman you have trans bass Demi boy and everything but for me personally it's like I always like to say like I the way I want to view labels is they're like magnets. You can put them on and if it works for your little car and you're happy with it, that's awesome. But also, you can always take that magnet off. It is okay. And if you just want to say, you know what, I'm going to just slap on a cool cat sticker instead and fuck the rest of it. Go for it. That's kind of to the point where I, once I started questioning and realizing that I need to start exploring asexuality, and this is like the third sexuality identity crisis I've had, I am done with labels. I am queer. I'm a fruity boy and that's all I need. So I definitely want to make sure like, you know, whoever gets to hear this, you know, like don't stress out the labels. Just allow yourself, be kind to yourself in just allowing yourself to like feel what comes. Things will, you know, Things will just happen. Life will go on. Life, whether you want it to or not, keeps happening. So just be kind to yourself and don't stress the labels. And then, like I said, I think that representation, it matters, not just though in media, because, like I said, it is amazing to see actors, artists, along the, on all ends of the gender spectrum, but where people, I need to see trans people be more than just Starbucks baristas who are also need to get paid better and treated fairly, because I'm pretty sure Starbucks is also on strikes. Yep. But like, you know, I want to see your trans, you know, business people. I kind of hate the business industry in general, but like loosely in trans people, Like we can have trans CEOs who are ethical and pay their workers, right? And we can have, you know, just seeing more because like we've been here, we're just like representation just matters so much because just realizing that like you are allowed to take up space that's what I want people are not like you're trans you can take up space you do not have to make yourself smaller you do not have to go into these small places that you know will accept you, you're allowed to stay in Florida and still be trans. You will exist where you exist. You do not have to stop, you do not have to, You should not have to, I should say. I mean, safety first, above all, but you're going to keep existing. Be kind to yourself. And just take up the space you're allowed to take up. We're human. We are not meant to just be folded into little boxes or anything.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yeah, I love that. I think that's beautiful.

MALCOM
Thank you.

COOPER JOSLIN
Yeah. Thank you so much for this interview. This was so lovely and it's great to get to talk with you and you know Not in person, but whatever this is the situation.

MALCOM
This is the virtual. Yeah, I mean Since COVID I haven't like this hits just as well. I mean I say I don't know once you do have like a virtual relationship that anything like this is fine.

COOPER JOSLIN
I feel that, I totally feel that. Yeah, thank you so much for your time and your willingness to share your story. Like this is just incredible. So thank you so much.

MALCOM
Thank you. You're incredible for doing this. You need things. You need recognition too for this because you are opening up pathways for, and you are helping, like I said, you're helping the people that, and you're being the resource that I wish I had. I've been navigating, finding my own transitions, finding my own documents by myself, and you are saying, here is a little roadmap, my friends.

COOPER JOSLIN
Thank you. You know how hard it is to cry on T. You'll push through that. Thank you so much.