COOPER JOSLIN

Yeah, no, I totally feel that. That's a really hard situation to be in too, you know, like kind of, it can feel like you're surrounded, you know, with just things that don't quite, I don't know, that's how it was for my experience. Just I also went to a, it was a Lutheran school growing up and it was a very interesting environment for me to be in. So What were the high school years like for you then? Did you, you know, what kind of activities did you engage in? Did you have a lot of friends? Did you, were you like me? Did you spend all your time doing homework? What was the vibe?

REY ALEXANDER

So I did not ever do homework until I hit college. I did a lot of sports. I was athletic, but I'm also like, I think that I have some kind of a muscular ligament issue. I think it's called, oh gosh, I'm blanking on the name it's um a ADS I think it correlates really with transness and I've always been heavily prone to injury but I've also always even in my younger years like I was kind of on the, I was very gender bent. Everybody always described me as a tomboy. I always, I was really, really passionate. I wanted to join the wrestling team. And I feel like this, this is so like pivotal to my story arc, because I would, I remember, like elementary school, they'd send these flyers home for all the sports, soccer, whatever. And I was like, soccer? I don't want to run. But I always wanted to fight. I always had this desire to get in a fight. And I used to like grapple with my dad and my father was in martial arts. So like I learned a little from him. And I would call up these numbers on the flyers because my mom was like, well, you know, go for it if they let you join the team. So I call them up and they would hear my voice and they'd be like, absolutely not, you can't join this team. And I didn't understand, but I just went on with my life.

REY ALEXANDER

And then when I went to this private school, I was very reluctant to go, but we were required to do sports and I saw on the list of sports was wrestling. So I said, you know what, I'm gonna wrestle because we're required to do it and this is one of the sports. So I signed up for the wrestling team and I did not know this at the time, But they had meetings about me that I was not invited to. And actually, the art teacher, who I didn't even meet until I was in like 10th grade, she went to bat for me, and just really advocating for me. And equality won. So they ultimately decided that since there wasn't an equivalent women's team that I can compete or girls team, cause we were girls at the time, since there wasn't a girls team that I could compete with the boys. So I was on the boys wrestling team. I was the only one in our entire region. And it was really uncomfortable. They did not make it safe or friendly for me at all a lot of the boys refused to wrestle me in competitions in rehearsals and It was just such a such an interesting time. And I look back and I wish that I was one of those strong bitches that just like, got over everything was able to like jump into the mode and like, had my head in the game, but I really did not. And I was kind of a lazy kid. Like I wasn't super athletic, like I wanted to be athletic, but I just got hurt all the time. Yeah, so one of the coaches was friendly towards me and he would always give me pep talks, But two of the other coaches really didn't want me on the team at all. And I remember there was this one meet. It was just like a takedown tournament where the whole region gets together. And it's like all the different schools, you've got like 12, 15 schools. And you're supposed to just compete for that initial takedown but my coach for whatever reason didn't weigh me in at the beginning of the tournament and Instead of putting me in at my weight class. They just like certified my weight I guess because I was never allowed in the boys' locker room. It was always like a very awkward thing because I would get dressed by myself and there was no, like, there wasn't really team camaraderie for me. That was off the table. But I didn't weigh in for that. Thought it was weird that they put me in a weight class that was higher than I was supposed to be because I was like, well, that's not what I weigh. But I also wasn't a very strong advocate and it takes me a while to process things. So I just went along with it. And one of these guys that I wrestled picked me up and like slams me down on the mat. The mats were like a little bit askew. My hands like went backwards under me. I wound up breaking my finger in a couple spots and getting a concussion. And then I had all these people telling me that like I wasn't allowed to go to the hospital that I had to like man up and just like suck it up and it would look bad for me if I like treated my injuries and it was just like this whole thing but so I only wrestled for that one year but that's the story.

COOPER JOSLIN

That is so incredible. Every part of that, like, I, you can see it. I'm literally on the edge of my seat.

REY ALEXANDER

So, okay . I did get a, I got an apology from the guy, probably four or five years later. I didn't know what he looked like, but he was apparently a friend of somebody that went to my school And he recognized me. And I think that experience really tore him up. And he approached me. It was like a weekend. There were like sports events or we had some sort of like an open house or like something big was happening and he was there and he approached me. He was like, hey, I know who you are. And I just want to say, I'm really sorry for what I did. I don't know what came over me. We were just supposed to do the takedown, and I went overboard. And it was this apology that I never expected to get in my life and I never expected to see the guy. You know, a lot of times when people do something wrong you don't even think that they acknowledge that they've done something wrong, right? So it was just, it was like a beautiful moment and it kind of like, you know, it was helpful. It was kind.

COOPER JOSLIN

Yeah. How did it make you feel to get that apology that you weren't expecting?

REY ALEXANDER

I mean, I was honestly in shock, because like, it takes me a minute to process and like, I didn't even know who this guy was. And he didn't really talk about the situation. He just kind of apologized as if I knew who he was and what he had done. So I was just like confused and in shock. And it took me a while to figure out, like, oh, that was the guy. Because you know, some guys just like they have the look, and they all kind of look the same. And especially when you're seeing like 10 different wrestling teams worth of people and they're all in singlets and he was just another guy that was shitty.

COOPER JOSLIN

So when when that happened, when before you got the apology when the actual like event happened? How old were you? What grade were you in?

REY ALEXANDER

I was in seventh grade at the time. So like 12.

COOPER JOSLIN

12. Wow. Wow. That's a big thing to happen when you're 12. How did that, like in the moment you know you're there, this guy just like did whatever that was, How did that make you feel? And you know, afterward, like not being able to, you know, the way they were treating you afterwards, like how did that whole experience impact you?

REY ALEXANDER

I don't really remember like the inter- like it's crazy like I have little snippets and I can remember the bleachers and I remember that like one of my friends was there to see it and I have these little memories But I it didn't make me feel great. That's for sure. I was really really shaken up, you know, I didn't even register that I was in pain until maybe a couple hours later once like the shock wore off you know um it was just you know it was it was just one of those experiences that you think sometimes it, I-I was shocked at my dad's response, because he was the one that was telling me not to go to the hospital, because I went to the nurse first, and the nurse was like, you need an x-ray. And he was like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. And like, I just didn't process, like, I didn't comprehend, like, all of the layers that were going on. Like I was not processing gender at all. I, the picture, I wish that I could do the TikTok thing where like you hold up the hand and the picture. I wish that I could show you my picture from the wrestling squad because nobody told me that boys don't smile in sports pictures. So you've got all these boys in their singlets and I'm just smiling because I was always taught to present as nice and to present as pretty and nobody socialized me in a masculine way. Yeah.

COOPER JOSLIN

I'm so sorry, sorry. I have like so many things to say in response to that. That is just incredible. Um, If you do happen to dig up that picture at any point in the future, feel free, just let me know. I'd love to, I'd love to see it. I grew up in like--

REY ALEXANDER

I can add a little. Yeah. There it is.

COOPER JOSLIN

I grew up in like heavy metal circles, like I was a huge metal head as a teenager and I have all these pictures of me with like the bassist of Morbid Angel, and like he's there like this and I'm like... So yeah, same thing. That's funny though. So you had mentioned your dad with that. Was he supportive of you joining the team? Was he like psyched? Was he feeling less into it? What was the vibe?

REY ALEXANDER

Yeah, I feel like my dad always kind of raised, I remember writing, doing some like creative writing in a class when I was in like eighth or ninth grade, eighth grade. And I remember writing that he always raised me like the son he never had. Like We would always grapple. He taught me to shoot a gun. And that was another pivotal moment. I was really into shooting guns and I thought it was really cool. And my dad used to go on these hunting trips with the guys and my cousin would go. The uncles would all go and they had a cabin and I wanted to go and my dad was like, yeah, we'll teach you how to shoot squirrels. And I feel like my parents were always very like, like, we don't want our daughter to ever be held back by anything, but they were still trapped in this box of gender norms. And so my mom put her foot down and that was like the line in the sand. She was like, absolutely not. My daughter's not going hunting. And then that just ended, that storyline ended. And I'm like, damn, like all that ancestral knowledge because my family, we're Native American. So like some of my father's hunting skills are passed down from like when we used to own, well, no one, Native people didn't own the land, but you know, old knowledge that I wish I had access to.

COOPER JOSLIN

That's fascinating. So like, how, can you like dive into that moment a little more? Like what, you know, did your dad present it to your mom? Did you present it to your mom? Like, and how did it feel afterwards? What was the kind of the ramifications of that?

REY ALEXANDER

He talked to her about it and then we never talked about it again. He said, mom said, no, that was it. And I didn't really comprehend my own gender struggles like I didn't even once I did learn that trans people existed I didn't know that trans men existed And when I would hear the phrase trans men, this is so naive, but I thought that it was like pre-transition trans women, because I thought that being trans for whatever reason was something that only AMAB people did. And it was only trans women that were trans. I don't know. And it's interesting because now that I see all this hate in the trans community, especially towards trans masc individuals, like they get it wrong all the time. They're like, oh, you'll never be a woman. And all my trans masc friends are like, yeah, that's right. We'll never be a woman. And it's so fascinating because it's like the haters don't even know that trans men exist. We just like disappear and they don't have a problem with it.

COOPER JOSLIN

That is so true. Like I've definitely noticed that as well as a trans masc person. The, uh, I watched this like two literally two hour YouTube documentary the other day about like you know transphobia and stuff and yeah all the like example tweets that they were showing were like saying stuff like that like, you'll never be a woman and I'm like darn right. So yeah that's fun aspect of all the stuff that's going on today. But so do you identify as a trans man?

REY ALEXANDER

No. I identify as a human first and foremost. I'm a non-binary human. I do not fit neatly into any box. I am an AFAB human. I was socialized as a woman. I am currently transitioning. I am six weeks post-op top surgery. Yeah, so that's a load off for sure. And I started testosterone just a few days after, the full moon after my top surgery. I never thought, I've had my prescription for tea in the fridge for like four months and I keep refilling it and my endocrinologist knows but I was like listen I can't start yet and I had this idea that it wasn't safe to have tits and a full beard. And like, I had massive tits and like, I didn't know when or if my top surgery was even ever gonna happen. Cause I'd been waiting on the waiting list for over a year. And so I just, I didn't feel safe to start testosterone. But as soon as I got my top surgery, it was like, OK, let's go. But my transition goals are not binary either. I actively don't want people to think that I'm like a cis man ever. Like I think I'll probably read as gay or queer which is kind of unfortunate because like I'm definitely into women but you know that's that's just the plight of the trans masc human, I think.

COOPER JOSLIN

That's, oh my God, same, same, same, same. I also had top surgery last year, started T almost immediately after. Same fear that one day I'm gonna be seen as a cis guy. But then again I'm still doing that thing like you did in your wrestling photo where like I'll walk into the men's bathroom and I'll be like, hi. But yeah talk to me a little about that experience. Let's start with top surgery. How, you know, if you want to talk about your journey to it and what it was like and that, the math.

REY ALEXANDER

Yeah, so I don't actually remember developing breasts at all. Honestly, I think I just blacked out. And I don't think I ever hated them, because honestly, they were perfect examples of tits. And when I was in middle school, like seventh, eighth grade, me and my, like, very good friend, she was like the itty bitty titty committee and we would do this thing where we would, like, like do a transfer. Like, that was our, like, like instead of a handshake or like, that was like our bonding ritual. Whenever it would come up, I would like put my hands like this like like we were making a tube you know and she would put her hands like that up to me and I would just like like give her some of my boob energy right and and like I've never really had a connection with them. I was just like, you know, they're there, it's fine. Like, it seems like people like them. And I always really liked attention. I didn't, I didn't really realize that I wasn't into men because I was so into attention. And having the chest that I had brought me a lot of attention for men because I was like a 30 like a 36 G before my top surgery yeah so but you know I just went on with my life I wore less sports bras um but I did like kind I had like times where I would like lean a little bit more into femininity and then not and lean a little more and um I think it wasn't until like 2019 where I was finally like, do I have to chop my fucking tits off to get some goddamn respect in this town. And as soon as I had that thought, it was like, oh, can I do that? And this was before I really started exploring gender at all. I kept getting really frustrated. So I joined the Burning Man community in 2017.

REY ALEXANDER

And I was at an event in 2019, I joined a build crew. They were the first people to ever put power tools in my hand and as an AFAB human like I'd never done that. My dad like he didn't really use power tools, he didn't teach me how to use power tools and um so I was just like ecstatic that there were these people that were like here you go this is a playground join in and I just I took to it immediately. I just loved it. But I also like kind of hate wearing clothes and I would just like go around being shirtless. I don't like having tan lines. I just wanted like all the sun and perfect lines and whatever. And so I was just around shirtless and I'm like building this massive structure that we are then going to burn to the ground and afterwards this guy comes up to me and he's like I just want you to know that you being well he didn't say it like that. Like he said it all like in that creepy, like smooth guy voice. He was just like, you being topless was the highlight of my burn. And it just like, it made me feel so icky and so sexualized because I'm like covered in sawdust and I've been working with power tools and like smoking unfiltered cigarettes. And like this guy is like sexualizing me without my consent. And I was just, I was so livid. And I hadn't started processing gender yet, that came a little bit later. But that was the first time that I seriously thought about having top surgery.

COOPER JOSLIN

And was that... So I know sometimes when people first start to get that inkling of like maybe I do want top surgery, they don't quite have the language for it yet. Like I, you know, to say like I want a keyhole top surgery or you know, the more specific stuff, like they don't know that exists yet. Where were you on that spectrum? Did you know about it? Did you have trans friends who maybe had it? I don't know.

REY ALEXANDER

Nothing. I knew nothing about it. I knew that some women got double mastectomies because of cancer. At that point I had not even met a trans man that I was aware of. I did meet a friend like maybe I had met in passing some a trans man but like I didn't know that he was trans. Yeah, because I was 2018. And it wasn't until the next year that I really started like leaning more into the queer community. And I met more like AFAB queers. And then I met trans men. But what was really the most pivotal moment, probably in my life, was in October of 2019. I was, Okay, because I was so mad about all these gender things, I started a theme camp for Burning Man called the Matriarchal Goddesses Training Camp, or the Matriarchy for short. And so we were trying to, well, we do, we still exist. We're doing an event next weekend. We're trying to flip the entire, like, the patriarchal system, like, completely on its head. And I was like, I just want a theme camp where the boys do the dishes. Like, I'm so sick of this, like, hippie community where people think they're doing things differently. And then there's still women in the kitchen doing dishes, like unacceptable. You're not actually making real change here. You just look like you're making change. So one of the things that we did at our very first event as a theme camp was we decided we were gonna objectify some boys and we had a male beauty pageant. And one of the entrants into our male beauty pageant was Lord Henry, who is a DC drag king. And I had never met a drag king before. I had met Amelia before. Amelia and I had been friends for probably a year or two at this point. I did not know that they did drag. I did not know that they ever wore a beard. I did not know it was an option for an AFAB human to put a beard on their face. That wasn't the ass end of a joke. Cause like, I've always kind of resonated with trans women because I always felt like I was doing drag. I always resonated with that like terrible trope of like a bearded woman. And that always really hurt. It really stung because I knew it was the ass of a joke. And like even when The Greatest Showman came out, I just like it made me feel so strange. It made me feel a lot because there's this bearded woman who's like an outcast and yeah she's owning it but like it just like brought up a lot of stuff. But so back to this male beauty pageant, I meet Lord Henry, he's in this beard and something like, there was this audible like thud in my brain where my entire worldview just like broke open. And I did so much processing about it that day and the next day. And the next day I was like, I know what I'm doing for Halloween. Cause this was like early October, like the second weekend in October. I was like, I'm going to wear a glitter beard. And I'm still like super femme presenting at this point. And I just knew that this human being that I just saw in a different light in drag and a fab human in drag I, I knew on a level that that was me.

REY ALEXANDER

And I knew that I needed to take this hat and try it on. So I did it. In Halloween of 2019, I wore a glitter beard and I wore this like bright teal jacket, and which I still have over in my costume closet. And I went to this Halloween party with, you know, there were probably about 50 people there. And I know all of these people. I've known all of these people for a very long time. But everyone changed how they reacted with me. It was so bizarre. And I didn't, I wasn't expecting it. I didn't know that this was going to happen, but people were reintroducing themselves to me. They're like, Hey, I'm Ian. I'm like, yeah, I've known you for four years. Like what? And cause they wanted me to introduce myself to them. And I was just this like little egg with no name. And like, so I remember for the first time in a real long time I was like quiet for the whole Party and usually I'm like the life of the party and like talking to everyone and making jokes but I was just like quiet and kind of like observing how people were observing me. And like people were asking me what my pronouns were. Nobody had ever asked me that before. And I felt very confidently that like, in my glitter beard, I'm like, well, I'm wearing a beard, like obviously it's him. And I just felt like so convicted that I was like this very manly presenting creature, even though I'm in a bright teal glitter, like perfectly sculpted beard. So that was just fantastic. And I realized that I no longer had to present as nice. With this beard on, I was able to just like relax my face. I didn't feel like I needed to smile. And I really, really enjoyed the shift of how people perceived me and how people treated me.

COOPER JOSLIN

That's beautiful. I love a good Halloween story, first of all, but second, like there's so much power in what you just said, you know? Was that like the big gender moment for you?

REY ALEXANDER

It was one of many. It was definitely many because I I'm a slow processor so it took me a while to get there.

REY ALEXANDER

So after that I just I knew I was in love and I dove deep. And like, you can take a look at my Instagram, my drag name. He finally got a name in April, May of 2020, when the world was like getting real weird. We came up with Atom, like the molecule, Glambert. So my name's Atom Glambert, you can find me on Instagram. And I actually, the reason we found the name is because I really, really look like him in drag. And so I started fucking around with makeup and I did it as therapy, because the world was real weird, This is 2020. I did it as therapy nearly every day. I was putting on a beard. I stopped doing as much glitter. I started like kind of trying to play with contouring a little bit. And I just really dove into it. And I remember, there's one picture it's on my Instagram. I'm not in a beard at all. I had just learned how to do like, a, I don't think I even had any contour. I think maybe I put a little square line on my jaw and I'm wearing like this leather harness that a friend had gifted me and a vest because I wanted to like cover my chest because I wanted to pretend that I didn't have breasts even though I hadn't really realized that I wanted that I really wanted them gone at this point but I have this very serious photo shoot with a friend uh one of my roommates at the time, because I wanted to wash the glitter beard off. I wanted people to take me seriously as a man. And I realized that while I was thankful for Halloween to give me this permissive environment to try this hat on that I actually wanted for them to take me seriously. And that was that was like a big that was another really big moment of just realizing like, oh, this isn't just a joke. This isn't just art. But, you know, I think that we talk about processing, right, when we're, when we're processing And I think sometimes those that the process of processing is having a conversation with yourself and I was using my art to translate to myself what I was feeling and what my experience was. And I didn't even realize what I was doing at the time. I did not realize the powerful magic that art and makeup could be.

COOPER JOSLIN

This is so cool. While you were talking, I looked up probably that exact photo on your Instagram. First of all, you're a very, very talented artist. This is incredible. Thank you. And yeah, I want to learn more about your drag. What does... So when was the first... Do you perform live?

REY ALEXANDER

So I have a rule. I have a job, I have a career, and I'm set on money. I don't really need to be a drag king, you know, but I love it. Sometimes I tell people that my gender is drag king because I feel like that's like the most accurate. My rule is that I want to be asked to come to the stage. So I don't want to beg for a spot. I want people to come to me because obviously I'm that famous that they want to come to me. And it's worked. I've only performed twice on a stage in DC. But I'm a performer. I'm an artist. I've been a musician my whole life. And I like have written a bunch of songs, and they're on my tick tock, same handle. And I like perform those to at people at Burning Man events. And my preferred crowd is actually like four to 10, maybe 15. Like I like to perform for small crowds. And it's funny because I've like done a performance for a group of people, and it's people that I've known for five years that are like, I had no idea you could sing. And it's like, I feel like my art is speakeasy art. My art is a little bit, it's a little secret. You gotta peel some layers to get to it.

COOPER JOSLIN

That's so cool. That is objectively awesome. Like, so, okay. What was the first time you performed at a Burning Man event?

REY ALEXANDER

Oh, gosh. Even when I was femme presenting, like not even in drag, because I just like to sing. So I like to sing for... I assume that I was singing for people before I started doing drag. But so I was saying that drag king is my gender like when I go to these Burning Man events and any like house parties for the past Three years like since the world opened up again. I go out in drag I have people from the Burning Man community who have never seen my naked face. Like this one woman, like I've known her for a long time and we were talking at a party and she was like, you know, I've never seen you at a drag. I always see you as Adam Glamber. Like, who even are you? And it was just this like crazy moment to realize like, oh, I've been presenting, this is my mask, right? Like I've been presenting with this beard in public that you know and it's it's so interesting to see my art evolve because um I used to do these flashy looks. I used to do like a lot more art and then I started learning how to make it more natural and more natural. And then I got top surgery and now I'm on T. And I feel like my I'm doing the frequency of my drag king art is going down but like it's like intersecting with this other path that's like making the outward me more masculine. So it's like it's been coaxing it out of me. And it's just been really interesting. So now when I go out, I'll do up my eyebrows and I'll do some subtle contour and I'll do a subtle stubble. And if I'm shirtless, I'll do a happy trail.

COOPER JOSLIN

That's so cool. This is so, so cool. I'm so happy that you have found this like amazing thing for you, you know? Like this, that, oh that's beautiful. What, what does it feel like when you're in drag? Like I've never done drag. I deeply admire anyone who can and, you know, is able to perform in that way. But like, it's one of those things I'm like, I'm over here, drag is over there, and I'm just waving at it and saying it's very cool looking. What does that feel like? Give me the POV.

REY ALEXANDER

So when I do my makeup, when I put my contour on and when I put those stupid eyebrows on, I just like roll my eyes and like look in the mirror. I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm home. I'm like, there you are, you shiny idiot. That's like, that's what I say. Cause Adam Gleibert is a shiny idiot. That's like in his, it's in his character sheet. So it's, it's really comforting. When I look in the mirror it just feels correct. And like I'm concerned that I'm not gonna be as like strikingly handsome you know when I in the next five years you know. I don't know what that's gonna look like. But also makeup, I always have access to makeup. So I could meet in the middle somewhere.

COOPER JOSLIN

That's so cool. Okay so let's go back. You've started T recently. That's awesome. Congrats.

REY ALEXANDER

Thank you.

COOPER JOSLIN

How's it hitting you? How are you feeling? What's, give me the tea on that.

REY ALEXANDER

Yeah, so I started on 5/5, which is the full moon. I did like this whole ceremony. I reached out to some witchy people And they gave me some ceremonies and I like, washed my hands with salt and got rid of all the bitter and then I washed my hands with sweet and welcomed all the sweet into my life. And I'd like it was so nice. I had candles, the moon was full, it was beautiful. And then I did my shot. I washed my hands for real with soap and did the alcohol thing. And it was just, I felt comfortable with it. Then one morning, a couple weeks into it, it was like three weeks into it, I woke up and my voice had like, noticeably dropped pitch, like, literally overnight. And I got really freaked out about it. And I'm a vocalist. And I've been saying to myself for like, two years that I've wanted to like capture my femme voice. But I'm like allergic to time and I'm allergic to schedules and I just haven't gotten around to it. And I've been beating myself up for it. And actually, when I first got the testosterone prescription, one of the reasons that I waited to take it was because I wanted so strongly to capture my voice, which I still haven't done. And so I freaked out and I stopped taking tea for like a week and a half. But then I realized, you know, like, maybe I don't need to capture that voice. Like, it's not like it's their studio recordings. It's just like, I have this little microphone in my room and you know, I have my TikToks. I don't know. It's like, maybe that's already been done. Maybe we don't need to do that and like this is the path that I want to be on and it is slow like maybe I'm noticing changes but like is my vocal range actually changing so I just I I went back on it and it feels it feels nice.

COOPER JOSLIN

That's awesome. Yeah I remember I had an art show opening and when my voice dropped, it was like doing the art show. And my wife went to go find one of our friends and she came back and they were both like, what happened? Because it was like in that instant, right? It's so interesting how testosterone works, but like, so what was your journey to T? What got you to that stage of transition?

REY ALEXANDER

That's a good question. I don't know. I met with the, I met with a therapist because I knew I wanted top surgery. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to go on T yet. But I said, you know what? Let's do the letter for the top surgery. And I feel like maybe she gate kept me a little bit. She was like, I'm not going to give you a letter for testosterone yet. I'm just going to give you the letter for top surgery. And then she said some sketchy things, but she was like, maybe that'll fix it. Which, okay, okay. That's what we're working with here. So maybe that'll fix it was her response and I can kind of see that like maybe I don't need to like there I hate when people say like fully transitioned or whatever because that's not a thing like everybody's journey is their own you don't have there's no end point there's no goal Like trans people are completely outside of the binary. I don't believe that you have to subscribe to the binary. And so it's valid to be like, okay, maybe I will feel better if I just have top surgery. But I really, I sing in a barbershop group and I sing bass and they're always trying to get me to sing like tenor or something else. I'm like, no, same bass. And, um, yeah, so I, I just picture myself when I'm in that environment. I'm like, I want to sing bass. And like, that has been like driving me towards testosterone because I'm not ever gonna be able to do that without the drug.

COOPER JOSLIN

I feel that. It's so interesting how everyone has their own unique gender affirmation moments. What are your moments of gender euphoria or what makes you feel like you the most?

REY ALEXANDER

Well this vest for one.

COOPER JOSLIN

I was gonna compliment that. It's beautiful.

COOPER JOSLIN

Thank you. Thank you. It's certainly the vest that's best for my chest. It's on brand. It's like, yes, very much me. I don't know, because even though I've made these steps, I still feel like I question a lot, like is this the right decision? Did I just make the right decision? And I try not to go down that path because it's like, well, you just did, so you gotta live with that, because that was expensive to do to this body and we're just gonna sit with that for a while thank you very much um and even with tea it's like yes I know that I want a lower voice but do I actually want a beard? I don't know. But I do know that I've been painting one on my face every opportunity that I have for the past, going on four years now. So like, ooh, maybe?

COOPER JOSLIN

Yeah, that's something I'm going through too right now. Like my beard has started to like do its thing and I'm like wow that happened so much faster It's so interesting how genes play into it, but like, how, if I can ask, how is your family, what's the dynamic like now?

REY ALEXANDER

Awkward. My sister is in theory supportive, but in, I was away for, I was at a friend's house to recover and she never reached out to me Like I reached out to her a few times during the recovery process. And like, I get it. She's got three kids, she's got a life of her own and it is crazy hectic and busy. So like, I don't really hold it against her, but it's like a little bit like you know I she says she's supportive but I didn't get the support when I like I had the support of my community so it's not like I needed anything but like it would have just been kind of nice to get a card at literally anything or a text anything uh But she is supportive of me and my pronouns and my name change because I actually changed my name legally in Feb, I started the process in February of 2022,

REY ALEXANDER

I guess. So it's been official for coming up on a year. And She's done some advocacy with my parents. I requested that she tell my parents that I was having top surgery, because it's not something that I ever felt safe talking to my parents about, even just my name change. I didn't tell them about my pronouns. I didn't want to make it a fight. My mom sent me like a five page hate letter. So that was really hard to deal with. So I asked my sister to tell them that I was going to have top surgery. I didn't tell them when it was going to be. I had my consultation for my surgery on my birthday, and then I had the surgery itself on my mom's. And I just like, I, it felt interesting, the timing of it all, but I felt like it would just hurt her to have that knowledge. So I, I, I didn't, I didn't tell her. But I asked my sister to, to let them know, cause I feel like, you know, if you're going to have major surgery, maybe you should tell people about it. So she did that for me. And then she said, she said, I'm going to shield you from their response, because I think that's why you asked me to do this for you. Which to me says that maybe they didn't take it very well.

COOPER JOSLIN

That is really hard. I'm so sorry.

REY ALEXANDER

It's the reality of the trans existence, right? It doesn't matter how accepting and liberal you think your family is towards other people. It change, something changes when it's their own children. In my mother's letter, she was basically saying that like, she was okay with my sexuality, like bi or gay is fine, but like she begged me not to mutilate my body because I had said something on Facebook about, I don't even know, getting the green light to to try tea or something and she just like lost her shit.

COOPER JOSLIN

Yeah, that is, that's a very good way to put what it's like being trans, you know, and coming out to parents, that is extremely difficult. You had mentioned, you know, you had the support of your community. Do you want to talk a little bit about what community means for you and what it's been like here in the DC area?

REY ALEXANDER

Yeah I'd love to. I have such a strong queer community. My community, because it's the Burning Man community, we're like in this region. And I would say that my friends span from like Northern Virginia, as far as like Loudoun County up to Baltimore. And like, that's like my, those are my close friends. That's like my close circle and it's, which is so just ridiculous. But I've, I've met more queer people than I ever knew existed in the world. And, um, it's just been really nice to have people in my life that really just like understand with a capital U and like you can go to therapy as much as you want but like unless they're unless that therapist is also queer and or trans they're not going to understand the things that we go through. They just don't have the lived experience. And so despite their best intentions, they're just so ignorant and naive. And I've, My personal experience has been that so much of my time with these professionals has been spent educating them on like trans 101. And it's like, catch yourself up to speed on your own time, please. But yeah, so I don't know my community, we, it's kind of silly because like we, Birding Man is kind of like a party in the desert, right? And we go to these like events that are a little bit closer. And so there's this superficial level because it's like maybe they're just party friends. But then also you know I have my Tuesday friends too and we get together and I don't know it's just it's nice to have people. And I've also found some community in DC cats, is that how you pronounce it?

COOPER JOSLIN

The DC area transmasculine society, right?

REY ALEXANDER

Yes, thank you. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the drag community as well has been really helpful. There's a lot of drag performers who are out there like every weekend and sometimes during the week. Like that's their main hustle is their drag work, their art. And it's just really nice to be around people who, even if you're not diving into the deep issues, they just get it and they accept you as a human being and they treat you like a human being. And yeah, the bar is so low.

COOPER JOSLIN

I feel that. Like on the one hand it is very low, but at the same time it's so, it has such a high impact for me, you know? Like I also go to DCATS. I haven't been in, you know, six months or so, but like the events I know firsthand are really great and powerful. When did you find out about them and what's your experience been like with the group?

REY ALEXANDER

I think I found out about them more when I started like really embracing my pronouns and really like, oh, I so I am. I'm not just I'm not just a shiny idiot. Like there's this other part of me and like finding a name for my drag persona came first. And then for a long time, I hid behind that the name of my drag, I hid behind Glambert. I just wanted people to call me Glambert because I didn't want to tell people what my birth name was, but I also didn't have my correct name. I hadn't found it yet. So that was a whole process getting to there. But I found my pronouns for a long time when I first started doing drag, I was a hard he him and in and out of drag. And in my social circle, just it started really small and got a little bigger and a little bigger. And I was like, No, my pronouns are he him. And then I just like, got a little bit of like imposter syndrome. And I just like, I wanted out of the water and I like got out of the water and I dried off and I was like, Okay, maybe maybe they them like because I never I was always like no they that was so stupid and but I really just didn't want to argue with cis people that my existence is valid so that's why I didn't immediately latch on to they them because I didn't I didn't want to have this burden of having to explain my identity to people on the regular. And I still like, I pick and choose when I put in that emotional labor because it is work. But so I started, you know, going around with pronouns and gender and thinking about all these things and I was like, you know, I really need more people that are like a little bit closer, maybe not necessarily my friends, and not necessarily these terrible therapists that are like can that can help me through this process. So I started reaching out to I actually reached out to Pretty Boy Drag first because I found gender exploration through the drag community. So I was like, well, maybe Pretty Boy Drag like has some resources. And I got like a very short, unhelpful email back, but I, yeah, I reached out to the DC Trans Association. DCATS. DCATS, I reached out to DCATS And I did a few like virtual events with them. I think that's the most I've ever done with them, but it was also really helpful.

COOPER JOSLIN

That's awesome, yeah, I love, we were just at PAD yesterday and I got to like, you know, go and say hi. What I love about it is every time I go there's different people you know like it's just so beautiful to see all of these trans masc people hanging out being themselves and yeah that's that's my big draw to that. But how has the DC drag community been for you?

REY ALEXANDER

It's, you know, the drag community in general, I got some problems with the drag community. I've always been a good queer. I've always identified as a bisexual. I always have been like a great ally. I've always had a lot of gay male friends, because I haven't really had a lot of like female friends throughout my history. But so I always went to drag queen shows, and again, never saw a king. And so I have a lot of resentment towards the Queen community for not speaking up and not like demanding equality for their trans brothers because like at the end of the day representation does matter and I understand where it comes from because when we had to hide like when drag was first being born it was it was literally hidden away for our own safety and it doesn't make sense to put your neck on the line if you're a game for for AFAB humans like that's not your clique that's not your secret like bunker people so I get that but it's 2023 and drag is mostly legal in most states mostly legal in most states. But anyway, it's frustrating to me that there are still so many venues that will not book drag kings. They have this idea that drag kings don't have any talent and that they're boring and people don't like them. But my experience on the stage has been anything but that. People love me. I have never made more money in three minutes in my life than I did on that drag stage. My first performance I made $240 like people just threw money at me. It was Bizarre, I've never experienced anything like that. And like I think also I'm never gonna top that that was like, you know That was my gateway jack But yeah, so I do I do harbor that resentment, because it still exists. There are a lot of, you know, all those sold out drag bunch brunches, there should be an asterisk because those are drag queen brunches. They don't allow kings in that space. So the drag king community has been great. There's a king, I'm sure you know him, have heard of him, Ricky Rosé. He does the only like all-king show in the DC area well, the all-king free show because I guess pretty boy drag is also But they they charge and it's like expensive anyway, But so Ricky Rose is like really carving out of space. And because they're so good at what they do, they actually do get booked with Queens but but still like I'll see these lineups and it's like Queen Queen Queen Queen Queen and one a fab performer and it doesn't matter like they feel like they've checked the box if it's another queen, and if it's like a, or a king, like, they just, they're like, well, we have one on the ticket, and that's, that's fine. And yeah.

COOPER JOSLIN

Yeah, That's a trend I've noticed as well. And so I'm also making like a mental list of things I need to tell you after this. Cause like, I think we're gonna, this is just, it's simple. I love it. I'll have a decompression afterwards. No, I just, I love everything that you're saying. I'm so excited that we get to do this. I think, since we are coming up on the hour mark, I do want to be respectful of time. So let me, if it's cool, I've got one more question for you. Absolutely. This is kind of a soapbox question. It's a combination of anything else you want to add, and, oh, here's my cat. Anything else you want to add? And How are you feeling about the future? Because, you know, I know we do have these drag bans going around around the country. We've got all kinds of terrible legislation popping up everywhere you look. You had mentioned Florida. As someone who has lived there before. Texas, yeah. How are you feeling?

REY ALEXANDER

I mean, the future is really scary as a trans person. I don't know, like if the right, if the radical right wins this election next year, like, are we going to get rounded up and put into camps? I don't know. Like, I'm kind of ready for that refugee life. I can survive in a desert, you know, but like, I don't want to. But yeah, it's, I would like to believe that there's hope, even if we do have to live through four years of like terrible torment and like, you know, going back into a dark closet. Like I truly believe in a future where there is no closet. I mentioned Burning Man and I mentioned building. I have in our project, I built it for one burn, like a small burn for just like 20 people. And I'm gonna bring it to an event that's about a thousand people and we built the proverbial closet and it's an interactive experience. You go into the building, there's a living room setting there, there's like a couch that's covered in plastic, like just like your grandmother's house. There's a little room, there's like art everywhere, there's like paper cranes, and then you go inside the closet and the closet itself is dark. And actually the first event where we rolled it out, I shoved everyone in the closet and they thought it was it was really funny at first because I demanded that everybody get in the closet. And then they said after a little bit, they were really uncomfortable and they wanted out. So we lit some fire and we led a parade and we did some fire dancing out of it. And we had like a procession out of this closet, the proverbial closet. And then we smashed it to pieces and we lit it on fucking fire. And I believe in a future where there is no closet. Our trans brothers and sisters have been dying for centuries. And I believe in the generation that's coming up, they are just like slaughtering gender in ways that I can't even comprehend, even as a trans person, they've like taken it to the next level and I really believe that they're the generation that doesn't have a closet. And I do have hope.

COOPER JOSLIN

I love that. That is honestly the perfect note to end on. Thank you so much for this. This is incredible. I would love to see pictures of, if you have pictures of the proverbial closet, that sounds awesome.

REY ALEXANDER

Sure, I'll do my best to dig them up.

COOPER JOSLIN

Thank you.